Nikki Fowler on #SelfLove Campaign© and Being Ignored

shutterstock_261968957Article by Nikki Fowler

11061777_10206064502830162_4297485613459645212_nIn honor of our #SelfLove Campaign©, I wanted to talk to our readers about loving yourselves enough to find friendships and relationships that are meaningful and healthy when confronted with people who ignore you and get others to do so too. Did you know that when people ignore you and ostracize you, its called relational aggression and it is a behavior that is intended to hurt you by harming you and your relationships with others. You see this at school and also surprisingly in adults.  It’s the typical “you can’t sit with us” mentality and it’s sometimes more hurtful than physical abuse.  When you stand up for yourself in a situation when you know you are right, and then people choose to gang up on you and try to get people to ignore you or to make you look bad, let them. The truth always comes out. The people doing this are the ones who probably have low self esteem and control issues. No one should bully you because of your skin color, weight, your beliefs, or your values. Those people are not for you.  Move away from people who bully you in this way.  Know that there’s nothing wrong with you, but them. You would be surprised to know the extremes people will go to, to make themselves look good and to make you look awful.  The best advice is to always follow your heart and your gut and to speak up for yourself. These people will fade like the wind.  There will always be someone you can be a friend to and you should seek out people who are kind and with similar interests.  Popularity can come and go.  One may be popular in high school and then in adult life just another face in the crowd. Be weary of friends and family members who have control issues and want to give you the cold shoulder when you don’t follow their rules.  Remember, don’t be afraid to walk away! Don’t be afraid to sit alone at the lunch table, bring a book and dive into activities that make you a better person, while the mean girls continue their gossip. There’s always a rainbow after the storm cloud passes. This type of strength will make you a better, stronger and successful person and it will help you gain the healthy relationships you really want and need in your life. For more information on relational aggression and the bullies that use it, speak to your parents, guidance counselor or learn more here:

Further resources on RA:

http://www.hopehouseonline.org/pages/girls.shtml

http://www.opheliaproject.org/ra.html

http://www.d11.org/pip/Parents/Mean%20Girls.pdf

www.relationalaggression.com

Books:
Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls. Rachel Simmons
Queen Bees & Wannabees: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence. Rosalind Wiseman Reviving Ophelia

Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls Mary Pipher

Our Last Best Shot: Guiding Our Children Through Early Adolescence Laura Sessions Stepp

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